well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
