My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
