You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
