First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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