Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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