i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
