Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
