Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
