no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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