we have pet lesbian snakes
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
