Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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