i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
