yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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