You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
