I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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