Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
