I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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