I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
