I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
