Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
where am i from again
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
