I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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