The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
