Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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