either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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