I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
