Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
