Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
