Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
