Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize