Im at strip club and am horny
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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