I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
