My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
