whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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