this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
