i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The Olympian is in my bed
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize