READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
