none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
