Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
