p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
