I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
