Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
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