found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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