I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
