i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
