I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
