at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
