Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
