Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
