I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
