So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
