Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
