So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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