Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish i was in the wii world.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
