my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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