this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
