I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
