They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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