Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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