I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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