my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
