did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Even my vagina gasped.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
