Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(760): View more from California

Do you need to be saved?

(847): View more from Illinois

No I think I'm God

Fav 11 1980 952
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(315): View more from New York

You smell like a Billy Joel song

Fav 7 1119 2298
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(501): View more from Arkansas

My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.

Fav 56 1112 5142
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(303): View more from Colorado

Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks

Fav 34 1296 3343
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life

Fav 13 4601 1179
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(973): View more from New Jersey

I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.

Fav 7 1149 4842
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(406): View more from Montana

Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.

Fav 14 5325 1946
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(985): View more from Louisiana

Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.

Fav 1 537 758
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.

Fav 1 30 15
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