We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
