i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
