yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
