what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
