Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
