garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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