Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I would fuck him just for his dog
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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