I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It's Friday. Sex?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
