carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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