there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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