Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
