her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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