Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
