Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
