never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
